Clipart.co
Dear Nony,
The other night, I was just so full of thinky thoughts that I couldn't help but comment on your Facebook page:
I'm listening to your podcasts for inspiration while I sweep, clean the dishes, fold laundry, and move my clutter. (I'm in emergency mode to clear out one bedroom, so by necessity I need to make a bigger mess in another room...sigh.) The point is, I listened to 7 and 8...and I'm going to go back and listen again. There were words so deep and profound that I just couldn't process it in just one listening. I think it was how you said that you'll always struggle with this. Believe it or not, I actually find that helpful! It means I don't need to strive to "conquer" this beast, and perfection just ain't going to happen. But struggling? That's something I can identify with! And seeing how far you've come, even though you're still struggling...and seeing how far I've come (even though I'm about to make a huge mess, I've already done more towards the house in the last 2 weeks than the last 2 years!)...I know it sounds like a paradox, but hearing that the struggle never ends actually gives me hope that I can at least get the point where I'm no longer in survival mode. I don't know if I explained it well, and I'll probably do a blog post on this concept this weekend because I'm just floored at how much that one statement has helped my outlook. Like I said, deep thoughts that require another listen, and it just seems so paradoxical but there it is. Can we say "not normal"?I still feel there's more to say about this, so here is my attempt to sound it out, see if it makes any more sense than just a "gut feeling".
As it turns out, I had to listen to podcasts 6, 7, and 8 (because 6 is where you discussed why you're glad you called yourself a slob, and that's where this message to me started). You see, I've been following FlyLady's emails for the last 10 years or so. Just the emails. I try every now and again to jump on her bandwagon (even though she insists there isn't a bandwagon, we all know there totally is), but it never sticks. My little perfectionist brain insists that when I start her system, I start with shining the sink. And it has to be PERFECT! (Even though she's the first to say "no it doesn't", this is just how my brain works. Go with me on this.) You know the drill: it works really well for the first 2 or 3 days, but then life happens and suddenly DISHES EVERYWHERE! Clean ones in the dishwasher, dirty dishes overflowing the sink, last night's pots and pans covering the kitchen counters, and did I just use the LAST clean bottle for the baby? And of course since I'm trying to follow FlyLady's system of shining the sink before bed, well...I'm sorry, but by the time I've put the boys down to bed, the LAST thing I want to do is spend 2 hours cleaning ALL. THOSE. DISHES!!! So they wait, and wait, and wait some more, and by the time a week rolls around I decide that maybe this isn't the right time for FlyLady's routines in my house.
You see, there's something interesting about FlyLady's message. She's been there, done that. She shares her story of how she climbed up from a cluttered house, how she built her routines, and it's very, very encouraging to know that if she did it, I could too. The testimonials are also full of similar stories, of men, women, and and kids who use FlyLady's methods to dig themselves out of the mess and stay out...
But the most successful manage to do just that. STAY OUT! That's where I get discouraged. Because, I have two boys. I have a husband. I have ME. We collect things. We stuff things into drawers and closets and bookcases because we like them, or we think we need them. Letting go of things is so difficult to me. I love FlyLady's decluttering rules (does it make you smile? Have you used it in a year? and so on) but...for some reason they just haven't worked with me. And with the added pressure that once I follow her system for a month, a season, a year, I'm expected (by no one except myself) to stay decluttered? To stay on the bandwagon that totally doesn't exist?
HEAD EXPLOSION!
But then I listened to your podcast "Slob Story Pt 6 (Why I’m So Glad I Called Myself a Slob) Don’t Get Organized. Just Declutter!" where you said that everything you love about yourself is directly related to the part that made it so difficult to get your house under control. You accepted it's part of you, that if you got rid of the part of you that struggled with this monster of slobbiness, you would no longer be you. It gave you freedom. It helped you no longer feel like a failure when common organizing tips don't work. And then your next podcasts just reinforced this message.
I want that. I love that. THAT is what I needed to hear. That you not only struggle with all this, but that you always will
And that's okay.
It's all right.
There really isn't a bandwagon.
Perfection is not reality.
I will always struggle, but each time I struggle, I come out stronger, with new lessons learned, AND THAT'S JUST FINE!
The dishes will overflow the sink (they just did this morning) and that's all right.
There will be dust bunnies on the floor that I was supposed to sweep up yesterday but I didn't and that's all right.
I'm not a failure.
I'm not a failure as a mother, as a wife, as a human being. I'm not a failure. It's all right. I will always struggle, but by recognizing that simple fact, it releases me to relish the struggle, instead of beating myself up every time the struggle wins.
And you know what? Since I realized this, and accepted that I will ALWAYS struggle, and that it's just fine, I've already made far more progress in decluttering and establishing routines than I ever have in the past.
Go figure.
Dear Nony,
My name is Bridget, and I will always be a slob.
Lest anyone think otherwise, yes, I recognize this is what FlyLady has been saying for the last 10 years. What can I say? Apparently I think more like Nony than like FlyLady.
To anyone else reading, have you met Nony yet? You should definitely check her out at A Slob Comes Clean. Roam around, click a few links, and then go here if you want to read through her blog the way she recommends.
No comments:
Post a Comment